We were all of us made slaves. George Floyd and Racism in America

George Floyd
Photo Credit: Twitter


When the first leg was shackled, when the first black body forced into the hold of a ship bound for the Americas, the captains of these ships working on orders of European Crowns and European Parliaments, secured our future, inextricably, to each other.

There is no America without black people.

While the founders founded and the militias defended – black bodies worked and built the country, for free, for three hundred years.

Then came the Civil War, the bloodiest of all wars America has ever fought, to free black people from the clutches of white southern plantation owners.

Followed, very quickly, by 100 years and four thousand lynchings before The Civil Rights Movement.

And what’s fantastic is Black People are still here after all that. They’re still here with us.

Their blood is mixed with white blood and Spanish blood in the soil of this country from end to end – there’s no way to deny this.

And yet, here we are, twenty years into the 21st century still fighting this issue that, for many whites, is recent. But to quote Will Smith, “Racism isn’t getting worse. It’s being recorded.”

White people, who’ve been able to skate the issue of race for lo these many years, now have it beamed into their home LIVE and on prime time. It’s all over social media. It confronts us with the truth that men and women three hundred years ago, are still dictating to us our fate because THEY decided to engage in the slave trade. But what’s worse, is that through corporate for-profit prison systems, the prison pipeline built within public education, and systemic inequality, slavery still isn’t over and WHITES are STILL NOT FREE from the curse placed upon us by those ancient powers.

We’re still grasping those chains like the old slave masters, unwillingly, unwittingly in some cases, and unable to simply let them go because of what was decided for us.

And the cops? Why they’re just the bounty hunters making sure that black body knows it’s place. They’re the nightriders. They are the infamous Klan. And those videos we’re seeing are public lynchings.

The most recent case?

George Floyd, an African Amerian man from Minneapolis, Minnesota, was murdered two nights ago because police thought he wrote a bad check. Think about that; a white police officer knelt on his neck along with three other cops who knelt on his body for nine minutes until dead – because they THINK he wrote a bad check.

You can watch the video here. (Warning: Graphic)

Four officers have been fired over the murder or George Floyd

So, how do we begin to unravel this? How do we start to disentangle ourselves from this mess? What must we do?

I think that it has to come from the top.

The President of The United States, along with a joint session of Congress, must apologize for three hundred years of slavery, 100 years of Jim Crow Law, and immediately start reparations. We did it for Native Americans; there’s no excuse as to why we can’t do it for African Americans.

Reparations can happen in conjunction with an Executive Order releasing all Non-violent drug offenders in prison who, upon release, will be given federally insured loans to buy into the marijuana industry if they so choose. We also end the War on Drugs.

Next, and also by executive order, all for-profit prison systems across the country will be closed and dismantled. Permanently.

From that point, a concentrated effort by federal and state legislatures to unravel decades of biased laws that cause racial disparity and inequality.

Police stations across the country, on every single level, will be subject to DOJ scrutiny, probes into culture and training, and racists fired.

Federal Legislation must be written to make it illegal for a cop to ‘shoot first and ask questions later,” when they feel ‘threatened.’ Should a police officer shoot and kill a suspect, that officer is subject to DOJ scrutiny. Full stop.

The Public-School system across the country will undergo a financial and educational overhaul. No more being able to determine the kind of education a child gets by zip code. A child in Beverly Hills will get the same quality education a child in the 9th ward of New Orleans will receive. All federal funding of private and charter schools will end immediately.

To quote my friend Michael Rowe’s brilliant post, “When a someone untrained in the medical profession, can spot a cancerous lesion on a person, the body, is very sick. For that body to survive, a series of radical treatments must happen. Similarly, when a white person can spot Racism and know what it is, the body is very sick. For that body to survive, a series of radical treatments must happen.”

If we want to extricate the chains of slavery for blacks and whites, we must be deliberate in our actions. We must act with precision, with diligence, and with radical compassion not only for African Americans but for ourselves and our mutual future.

We are bound together. Our fates intertwined in the fabric and DNA of this country.

This curse ends one of two ways, either with success or with failure.

However America ends, should it end; it will be together.

From that, there is no escape.

Isn’t it a funny thing?


Isn’t it a funny thing? I have cPTSD. For those of you out there who don’t know what that is, it stands for Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
What does that mean?

It means that, like anyone who acquires PTSD after an event, their anxiety focuses on that particular incident. That’s where your trauma lies.
Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is a result of multiple events, multiple angles, from which ‘trauma’ was introduced over a set of time.
At least that’s how I think it works, but don’t trust me too much. I’m stoned.
It’ll be twenty years since I left the military, pretty soon which, oddly enough, didn’t hurt me one bit. Not one IOTA. Sure, it was stressful during basic and irksome during most days, and sometimes really nerve-wracking during a deployment, but all in all. I loved it because I loved my platoon. Donovan, Winton, Griess, MOrgan etc….and I learned how to break loose and have fun.
No, my life before the military was pretty fucking awful. I was made fun of because of my voice or the way that I talked. I was bullied in school. I was heavy. I had bad acne. and was an easy target for people. (Angle 1)

I grew up in Southwest Detroit and stayed there for twenty years. In that arena I saw, shootouts (one my grandmother WALKED THROUGH and wasn’t hit – I got to see that), firebombing, gang fights ( I can still flash most of their signs), gang intimidation for wearing the wrong colors, because you walked alone because the day ended in fucking -y.

We’d lost teachers to gun violence, we’d hear about friends getting jumped, drugs were FUCKING EVERYWHERE (my cousin died of a heroin overdose on the eve of my 18th birthday. That’s fun, right?). There were all kinds of crazy shit happening – all the time – outside my door.

Inside my door, well, some people got religion and I mean not one of those benign ones where they ‘ommm’ and hold hands singing praise and worship songs (not that I blame them, you’ve heard one, you’ve heard em all) and bake sales.

I’m talking hardcore, Bible study, three nights a week, except for Revivals where it was 1893 times a week. I’m talking dogma from the backwoods of nowhere, preached by sweat, heavy, angry, little king wanna be’s talking about submitting children and women over to the man. BReaking the will of a willful child (breaking the child’s body mind and spirit is what it should be called), rape culture, ignorance culture (these people are …hoooly shiiiit…dum..I mean, just shit), racist, just a mess on top of Jesus’ love, right?

And when it came to that breaking the will shit, they tried. Hard. But it’s funny, kids will don’t break. Their mind’s do.

But whatever.

Anyway, add that bullshit in with a healthy dose of whatever everyone else goes through, shake it up, add some self-image issues, sexuality questioning issues, and religious issues for obvious reasons) shake well, and serve over ice and you get – me. OH! and I’m gay so throw an umbrella in that mess, honey. Cause holy shit.

For years following all that- I did stuff to myself because at Riley and everywhere else I slept my way through, it wasn’t Detroit. I wasn’t in my situation anymore and there was this huge chasm of blankness and darkness and void that I HAD TO FILL to feel normal. I couldn’t ‘do’ happy and i couldn’t ‘do’ love because I was neither happy for myself nor in love with myself (to a healthy degree).

So, I was cavalier with my person. There was a lot of booze, there was a lot of drama, there were a lot of names I wouldn’t know if they walked up and tried to shake my hand. And it was all just ground into me, all buried by that sandaled foot at the beach, and they dug and dug and dug their way in until. literally, the trauma began to reshape my person. My brain. My DNA. My psyche. My future.
For ten years after that, I battled myself. Good times. Bad times. Sometimes Pretzels and Beer (Thank you Sondheim (told you I was gay)). Fleeing from place to place, running, drinking, fucking…running. I was the king of it. Too stressed out? Ditch class. Too frazzled. Ditch school. Too forgotten about – forget yourself.

But then I met an amazing man. One. And ten years later, he’s taught me things, brought me things, fought with me through a lot of things, loved me, forgave me, and loved me again – I was able to BEGIN to recover. Which means, I had the space in which to fall the fuck apart. I mean, come un the fuck done – all over the place. Finally, crash.
When THAT hits, it’s like a brick wall and your favorite car just kissed. MWAH! Time for some sad singin’ and flowerbringing cause you’re toast.
Done. And all your before then, hopes and dreams and goals in life are shattered along that wall.

But then you get the option to start over. Again. But this time, the foundation is finally, FINALLY! becomes solid enough to stand on with confidence and not trepidation. There’s a new reality, born. One of curiosity, and wonder, and fear – there’s fear too because I am asking myself life questions children ask themselves. Who is God? What is love? Where is home? when they look into the night sky.

I wanted to be a lawyer. I thought I’d be good at it. I got A’s in Dr. Davis’ classes (the B’s and C’s conspired against me) so I didn’t get it as a final grade but dammit. I have the email she sent me over my paper turned in IN MY STUFF! Fucking Oscar AWard – she’s tough, man. But I loved it! Constitutional Law is SEXY. So is History, I rocked that shit hard, too.
What was I saying?

Yup. Shit changes when who and what you were is no longer a viable mode of transportation. This analogy is very – in the physical sense with visualizations of crashing cars, but transpose it on spiritual because you know that’s what I mean. I think)

But this time I get to pick the color, and the style, and the interior of the car myself This new car (again with the fucking cars, if you doubt I’m an American I’m sure that’s died by now) from the ground up. And I’ve been extremely successful with the help of my husband and that foundation I had been given space enough to create.

But I said ALLL that to say this, oh yeah, fuck I lost it again.
That’s right. Sometimes, even now, when things are SOOO Much better – there are bad moments. Anxiety. Depression. Anger in those spaces at times, and that’s okay. Sometimes you have to take your Ativan. Sometimes you need that cigarette. Sometimes, like me, pot.

But it’s funny. Do not DO NOT minimize people’s pasts. Here I am, eight books, two houses, student loan debt, and credit card debt better (worse? fuck me, those interest rates) still having moments….some better than others, some worse they catch us by surprise.

But you’re still here. I’m still here. Strong-willed. Strong bodied. Strong loved. Holy because I found God THERE. in me.
…and these fucking Cheetos are amazing!

Isn’t that a funny thing?

Let’s talk about Condoms in Queer Books

Photo from Unsplash: https://unsplash.com/@whynottogoforit

There’s a big difference between rightness and perceptions of what is right and what is truth.
Huge difference.
There is this wave of well-intentioned ideology that comes along with writing…you know what?
Fuck it
Let’s talk about condoms and safe sex in books, shall we?

Look, safe sex is important. AIDS in the ’80s taught us that.
Gay men know more about this than anyone else on the face of the planet.
However, not everyone has ALWAYS practiced safe sex.
It happens, quite a bit, I’m sure and sometimes – and maybe a little bit more than sometimes there are no physical repercussions.
Is it ‘right’ to practice safe sex?
Sure. Hopefully, people do.
Is it wrong not to?
Define wrong.
Because I really want to know if someone who has a sexually transmitted disease or if they end up pregnant or get someone pregnant are they A) Themselves Wrong and B) deserving of those things as a punishment for their deeds?

I’ll wait.

There’s a standard placed upon gay men in books that aren’t placed upon heterosexual people in just about every other facet of life and that is if you do not wear a condom…wait how did she put it?

“I’m always sad when I’m reading a book I enjoy and I get to the first sex scene and there’s no talk about condoms. Just lube up and go.”

I love this part, “I lose respect for the characters, and that makes me care less about them and their lives.

No condoms, no testing and no discussion = a callous disregard for your partner’s health, and a stupid disregard for your own. And that’s not even slightly sexy. Too bad.”

— Mar 29, 2020 05:04PMAdd a comment The Colors of Love (The Color of Love #1-3)”

While I don’t normally yank reviews from my Goodreads page (or any other page for that matter) this has sunk it’s teeth into my skin.

The internet is rife with a whole host of obnoxious shit. I mean, to the hilt. But this one is honey and while there is a whole lot of privilege to unpack in these couple of dismissive paragraphs, the worst is this expectation of some sort of well-intentioned morality to make the lives of two people worthy of their attention or “respect” as the commenter writes.

Gay people who do not wear condoms are often referred to be ‘barebacking’ or as I like to call it by its real name, “Having natural intercourse.” Like you do. Like you have done. Like they choose to do in reality between themselves because they’ve reached a point in their relationship where they feel comfortable or, and here’s the real kicker, they have a blatant disregard for themselves and/or for the partner they’re with.

Their lives are still valid. They’re still people.

Like a pregnant woman who makes her way to an abortion clinic because “Ooops!”

Go explain your point of view to HIV victims or that pregnant woman and see how they respond.

Again, I’ll wait.

To be a writer today seems to be something where one has to agree to some sort of morality clause for the sensibilities of others. A list of faux-pas one cannot make otherwise they risk the shunning of heterosexist’s and running the risk of not being “….even the slightest sexy.”

I did not come into writing to write about perfect people, who have perfect bodies, living perfect lives, and who make perfect choices all of the time.

I came to write the truth not about homosexual couples in some type of cotton candy alternate reality that even straight people can’t manage to exist in, I came to write about human beings who happen to be gay. I came to write the truth. The funny thing about that is it is complicated and it’s nuanced and messy and unapologetically human – just like their heterosexual counterparts.

And if that’s not good enough for you…well…we’ll take another quote from your review.

“Too bad.”

Truth, about my goddamn people, is a hill I am willing to die on and opinions like that are what’s callous and so, so, not sexy.

The Cowards of the Covid 19 Protests

There’s a huge swath of people who served after or because of 9/11 and the patriotism was on full display every time someone died and came home. The streets were lined with American Flags. There were protests at cemeteries by the hateful Westboro Church. SCOTUS decisions. There were videos made by the scores of reuniting military personnel with families.


Unlike the wars in previous years where there had been a draft, this was done by a volunteer military. Less than one percent of the population of the United States to be exact and all of these brave men and women went on to do or die.


But the ones who didn’t go, the ones who let others go for them, became green with envy at the adulation that was being heaped on men and women. So, they went out and bought their guns to feel special. To feel worthy. To feel like they too were patriotic and they too deserved to be in the club without ever really doing anything.


See, they want the outfits, and the toys, and fear/ respect that comes along with it – but like any other grifters out there, they don’t want to the work, the discipline, the sacrifices that have to be made. So they pretend. They steal or attempt to steal valor by grabbing rifles and standing guard against supposed tyranny – or ideological differences, really. Wanting nothing more than a confrontation with the mythical big government baddies waiting to strip them of their rights.


When, because of that lack of training and discipline and sacrifice, they would shit their pants should someone, anyone, call their bluff and give them exactly what they wanted. When people of all races, colors, gender identities, and sexes have served while they sat at home and watched the goings-on on television, and voted against people’s rights claiming that they were somehow inferior, or less than, these people, these different people whom they hated, worked to ensure that their life wasn’t in danger.

But these people can’t handle that. So they continue to try and be what they couldn’t bring themselves to be in the first place. Heroes.

Even today when everyone can be a hero simply by staying home so that healthcare workers aren’t overrun and hospital equipment isn’t depleted.
Even still – the cowards grab their toys and their gear and head out to be nothing much more than vectors for an illness that will kill a lot of them because their ego couldn’t handle being told what to do.

They never would have made it in Bootcamp.

They shouldn’t be feared. They should be the subject of endless ridicule and scorn.

What I want for my Birthday: An open letter to America

Hey Guys,

April 12th is my birthday and since I can run this country thousands of times better than Donald Trump can, I am going to ask for a few things.



  • First of all, I’m going to ask you to stay home for Easter Sunday and the days closely following.
  • I am going to ask that you refrain from meeting in large groups because you’re going to expose yourself to a deadly virus and possibly expose others when you come home.  https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-politics/trump-coronavirus-news-reopen-us-borders-easter-holiday-a9423041.html
  • I am going to ask you to refrain from your place of worship because the building is not the church. You are. A pastor’s primary job is to protect his flock – not endanger it.
  • I am going to ask that you stay home from work because no matter what the president says, that company you work for can only care about you as far as the money you make for them. If you get sick at your job, or if you go around spreading Covid 19 to the population at large – there’s going to be too many people sick with COVID – 19 to purchase whatever it is you make – therefore making the outbreak, and the economy, worse than it already is.


  • I am going to also ask you, to spend time with your family and make the best of a rotten situation. We are in a health crisis. Hospitals are in bad shape and it’s important that we support those who work in the medical field, by making their lives easier so they can get a handle on this disease.
    I am going to ask you to also relax about the state of our economy. Unless you’re super-rich or have any particular wealth, the DOW JONES is meaningless to you. At the end of the day its numbers on a board.*Kanye Shrug*
  • I am also going to ask you to think about something else while you’re watching Netflix and chilling with your honey. I want you to think about what’s emerged in the past several weeks. Meaning, I want you to think about who is being forced to work right now. The ‘essential’ people that have emerged in this slight disaster that has kept our pantry’s stocked, our roads clean, our packages delivered, and our hospitals running. I want you to think about the teachers bending over backward to log onto the internet, with less than a week’s notice, to teach your child. I want you to take what you think that’s worth and multiply it by 100 so we can come up with their new base salary.
  • Furthermore, I want you to think about the amount of money we’ve been spending over the past couple of weeks. Ladies and gentlemen, you’ve watched the super-rich lose their asses over this time away -which is why Trump wants you back to work. But I think what these people need to understand, and by people I mean stockholders etc. is that we’re not going to go back to the same ol’ same ol’. We’ve watched the federal government inject trillions of dollars into the stock market. The first time, it was 1.5 trillion ((Of your tax Dollars might I add) or so which evaporated in less than thirty minutes. Now, we have a stimulus package coming out worth 2 trillion dollars. We could have paid off student loans and given teachers a raise on that money which would have freed up the market, and in turn, freed you to have more cash in your pocket.

There are ZERO excuses not to anymore. I hope that, while you’ve got some time on your hands, that you sit down and write you representatives and inform them, that starting the day we all go back to work FOR our country, our country is going to go back to work FOR us, for a change.

No more bullshit. No more excuses. Let’s get right.


F.E. Feeley Jr.

December Service (Poem)

The solstice past,
the daylight now five seconds longer,
and growing daily, it inspires us
to age another year,
to learn beyond our limits yet untried,
freedom to stomp through fields familiar,
where poppies unfold their potent petals
this heroin I need to survive.
The truths I know I speak before generations
unlistening and mute.
But time is the wolf’s jaw that clamps
down ever harder
and my throat is raw, but my song never sweeter.

While here, this poet beside me,
who’s only begun to see through life’s glamour spell,
abides, waiting for the next words, like the drops of dew
outside the window panes, gathering in the darkness.
Yet he’s troubled like we all are troubled,
toiled and tempest-tossed – we seem to be,
this one comes trailing brimstone and sandalwood,
he begs the Sanscrit translations of older times,
the raw-ribbed cadence of ancestral fire,
to calm the madness between our ears.

At evening to ponder, to touch the truth
for a second only, like the lightning before the thunder,
the snowflake before it melts:
to catch the clarity of instant inspiration,
for nothing but the stars are fixed.

This I can grant to him
this wayward child, this protege,
and gladly would I guide
in order to join him in redemption
as through art, we glimpse the face of God.

by Carol Atmar and F.E. Feeley Jr


Cancel Culture: George W. Bush and Ellen Degeneres.

George W. Bush with Ellen Degeneres

Okay, so I am going to wander into this Ellen vs the World debate concerning George W. Bush.
Most of you know that Ellen Degeneres, the first women ever to come out on prime time television (and lost her job for it before becoming a Hollywood Pariah), who was a vocal supporter of marriage equality, who went to the site of Matthew Shepherd’s murder, who made a comeback and started a television show which has been around since the early 2000’s, etc. etc. was photographed sitting with President George W. Bush at a football game.
When people came out in droves to tell Ellen Degeneres of their disapproval of her sitting next to the President of the United States and laughing – she told people to be kind to one another regardless of political views.
How dare you laugh, Ellen.
Yes, George W. Bush ran on fighting Gay Marriage in his second term. Yes George W. Bush entered the United States into a war with Iraq based on faulty intel about Weapons of Mass Destruction. Those are big things. Huge things.
Yet, prior to this current administration, I was able to safely say that, regardless of the political party, there has never been a president in this country who I believed didn’t operate with the best of intentions in mind. That includes George W. Bush.
Yes, I agree that Iraq was a disastrous foreign policy blunder. One that, as a soldier, I was part of. I agree that many civilians were caught in the crossfire and many died. Yes, I agree that many soldiers were killed and many more wounded.
But that wasn’t the first major foreign policy blunder by an American President in our nation’s history. John F. Kennedy involved the United States in Vietnam which cost America many more lives in a war that ultimately was a failure. Saigon eventually fell in 1975.
Yet we can go back even further than that, at the treaty of Paris when the world leaders were all gathered together and a man walked into the meeting and said: “I want the French out of Indochina.” When asked who he was, the man said, “Ho Chi Mihn.”
The ignored him. Doing so cost us tens of thousands of young men.
Or we could go back even further than that to the treaty of Versailles in 1919 when all the world’s leaders were literally on their hands and knees over a map of the Middle East carving out nations without the input of the middle east and making brethren of warring tribes all for the sake of Western Democracy. You can literally trace the long road to 9/11 from this point.
Or perhaps we should fast forward to the Obama era. The era of hope and change, and economic recovery. Despite the rhetoric of the far-right, Obama was a centrist. Furthermore, when it came to HIS foreign policy, especially regarding Iraq, Barack Obama continued what is known as the Bush Doctrine -a prime example is an attack on Lybia and the ouster of now-deceased brutal dictator Qaddafi. A policy that then-Secretary of State Hillary Clinton carried out. So, in all actuality, neither his supporters nor his many, many detractors (racists, tan suit haters that they are) are one hundred percent correct in trying to peg Mr. Obama with much accuracy when it came to how he fits on the political spectrum.
How will George W. Bush be viewed by history? As reactionary? An opportunist? A misguided man at the mercy of an ambitious Dick Cheney? All of the above? Maybe. Quite possibly. But History is a fickle thing. When the scholars of fifty years from now (that’s about how much distance you need from an event to view it without undue influence) write their dissertations of that period of American History, it’ll be interesting to read.
That being said – just like Barack Obama, I don’t believe that George W. Bush meant this country harm. I do believe he did everything HE THOUGHT he should do to protect America’s interests both here and abroad.
Given the height of cancel culture, given the insatiable appetite of the Twitterverse and the blogosphere to swarm upon a target and upending their popularity, their careers, their personal lives, be it deserved or otherwise, now we find ourselves here with Ellen Degeneres.
Ellen. Degeneres.
Because she sat next to and had a laugh with former President George W. Bush. Someone who stood against her fight for marriage equality.
I don’t know what they talked about up there in the owners’ box of that football game. I don’t know how much they talked after or prior to the game after she’d been married all these years later. I don’t know what Goerge thinks about her marriage to Portia and I can’t know that. I am not privy to that information.
Yet, I do know that Ellen calls George her friend and has publically come out and said people should be kind to one another. I agree with her.
See, not so long ago, my husband and I had planned to move to the northeast somewhere. Maybe Vermont, maybe Connecticut, maybe New Hampshire – to buy a home and to start going through the process of adoption.
in August of this year, my mother-in-law suffered two major heart attacks back to back, had a quadruple bypass, and a heart valve replacement. My husband and my life suddenly came to a screeching halt. In the past two months or so, I’ve moved down here where they live without my husband who had to stay behind at work. I’ve cooked, I’ve cleaned, I’ve administered pills, taken her to the doctor, and have even purchased her house which severely needed remodeling – all of which I’ve taken care of while my husband is away.
My mother in law and my father are Trump supporters.
According to scary mommy’s blog’s philosophy (among others) – we should have left my mother in law to die and my father without a wife, in a house that was falling down around his ears.
I’m not cool with that because I have a conscience. Regardless of my parent’s political views, which by the way are different from mine and my husbands by light-years, I am not about to let them languish. The one thing I can guarantee we don’t talk about among the myriad things we do is politics.
Those things are known. I can probably guarantee that both George and Ellen’s views are known to each other. I also know that Ellen has vowed never to have Trump on her show.
Look, the bottom line is this. Ellen doesn’t just talk the talk. She’s walked it. She’s changed the lives of innumerable people by doing good deeds every single day on her television show. She’s stood up for gay people, came out at great cost to her, wept at the gathering in Matthew Shepherd’s home town, and given away God knows how much money to those in need.
Personally, I think it’s time we cancel “cancel culture”. I think it’s toxic, myopic, ruthless, cruel, and causes the murder of people by ten thousand papercuts (or tweets/ blogs/ etc) each one of them lashed out from behind the safety of a smartphone, a laptop, or a PC. Given the involvement of foreign agents in this country’s political system and social media sites anyway, it’s another shriek in the windstorm of suspicious and possibly clandestine attempts to get Americans to turn on Americans for perceived slights and the inability to make everyone happy all of the time. Not even Ellen is capable of such extraordinary feats.

P.S. I love Ellen.

P.S.S. I loved George. Still do. He was one of the last American Presidents.

Tonight – I remember 9/11 (18 years later)

Eighteen years ago, on September 11th, 2001, America was changed.
Now, years after President Obama gave the order to assassinate the figurehead behind the September 11th attacks – we hear on the news that Trump was moments away from having negotiations with the Taliban at Camp David.
This group worked for Osama Bin Laden.
This was the group our troops fought for all these years.
This was the group that tried to assassinate Malala Youvsafsai and failed.
This same group of people declared war on the United States along with Osama Bin Laden back in 1993 before the World Trade Center was bombed the first time by Muhammed Yousef – the nephew of Khalid Sheik Muhammed, the mastermind of 9/11.
For the next 18 years, Americans – mostly white, older Americans have slowly become afraid of ‘other’. Sure, there have been other terror attacks, plenty of dead bodies – in London, in Paris at the Bataclan, at a gay nightclub in Orlando – but in the world of terror, these attacks by ‘other’ have been few and far between.
We’ve seen, however, a massive spike in white, male, terrorism throughout the country. Mass shootings have taken place in shopping malls, in churches, in schools across the country and while I still mourn those that died on 9/11 – I mourn the loss of the American identity that said, “This shit, this shit like this, that doesn’t happen here because regardless of whether or not we agree with each other – we protect our own.”
Some say Western-style democracy is slipping and I agree with that sentiment. Sure, we can blame it on Russians, we can blame it on The GOP, we can blame it on a lot of other things to avoid putting the blame where it needs to go. Ourselves.
We’ve gotten lazy.
Intellectually sloven.
We think milk is bad.
We share fake news about ADHD.
We share articles written by no one of importance – no one with any sort of degree or expertise in the field they’ve chosen to write about and disseminate false, and probable propaganda to keep people from doing things that protect the entire population like getting vaccinations.
Worse yet, we get into these social media groups where we bounce these conspiracy theories off each other while we’re neck-deep in confirmation bias and become emotionally dedicated to our ignorance.
There is ZERO difference in that – and believing black people are less than due to some obscure Bible passage about the Sin of Ham and staying dedicated to hatred because your momma said so.
I grew up in a Fundamentalist household – and I understand how organizations like the Taliban happen. When you’re poor, stupid, and have feelings of utter powerlessness in your life, some jackass can come along and promise you heaven and get you to do anything he wants.
Beat your kids. Beat your wife. Stay poor. Stay disconnected from the world. View the world itself as an enemy of God. Fly an airplane into a building. Shoot an abortion doctor.
It’s. All. The. Same.
It’s so similar it can be scripted and memorized. It’s formulaic.
Here in this country, we have millions dedicated to ending abortion, they’ll pass laws to stop a woman, other women, from having bodily autonomy even when the removal of those rights diminishes their rights and all rights.
We’ll pass laws to keep a pervert from fucking a kid but we won’t move a muscle to keep a madman from shooting their little heads off.
Because somewhere, somehow, some group of people has fallen under the belief system of some fundamentalist yahoo playing with fear as a means to control.
So, this 9/11 Anniversary, I beg you, promote education. Not the crazy bullshit blog of some glue huffer or some crystal viewing airhead who believes essential oils cure cancer, or some right-wing clown with a youtube channel – I’m talking classical education. Directed readings. Study in a field or a major.
Malala Yousavsia said of the Taliban, “They’re not afraid of bullets and bombs, they’re afraid of little girls with books.”
Because an education liberates you from your own ignorance. It liberates you from the charismatic control of some would-be dictator whether they’re in the government, the Islamic Faith or from the Baptist church down the road.
Ignorance is a prison.
They can NEVER take your education away from you. Ever.

Tonight, I remember 9/11.

Thank you, Donald Trump!

Trump has done at least one good thing I can think of.

He has exposed the evangelical Christian right as the charlatans they always were.
Especially the fundamentalist.

The cruelty of harming children, the cruelty of throwing one’s race at them, the cruelty of denigrating women, of associating with child molesters…

Those of us who grew up in it and had discernment and understanding the difference between what good WAS and something that looked or SOUNDED, good but wasn’t.

Image ruled everything.

Evangelical Christendom reminds me of an Egyptian Sarcophagus.
Gorgeous on the outside. Beautiful to look at.
But no matter how pretty it is – the corpse continues to rot underneath.
Growing up in that, we understood it. We could smell it.

The relief here is that this isn’t a new thing.


Since God left earth (the second time counts too if you’re not Jewish) mankind has done his damnest to try and control the narrative of who God is and what God wants and what God says and who may call themselves ‘good.’
There’s unparalleled power in that ability. Power to rule, to dominate, to possess bodies in ways that would make the fabled demons of old jealous.

That’s where we are today.

There’s a division among man, a term I use universally of course. On one end you have people who demand liberty. Freedom of Conscience. Freedom of Thought. Freedom of Movement. Freedom of Choice and Freedom things that threaten this.

On the other side, you have rich and powerful men who see anyone NOT as wealthy as they are as nothing more than serfs to be used, abused, and discarded without so much as an afterthought.

They don’t possess the numbers to make this reality by themselves – they’ve convinced the poor, the working poor, and the uneducated to do it for them.

As this era of our discontent continues, we see which side these pastors have chosen. They’ve chosen the side that stands against the cross, against the beatitudes, against salvation itself for the sakes of their own power and their desire to possess bodies.


Daily I see articles of pastors and clergymen taken down by the F.B.I in some sex scandal or another – the most recent is the investigation into Jerry Falwell Jr.’s affair with a Florida Pool Boy. Now, I don’t really care whether or not Falwell is gay or Bisexual since he’s married, but I do care that Jerry spent his life fighting for gay/ bisexual people to be denied equality before the law.
When no one thinks that being queer is sin anymore – it takes the fun out of the actual sin itself.

I don’t know if I believe in the ‘end times’ anymore. I think there’s a formula in the Bible that tells mankind about when his ‘world’ ends and does so in an almost cyclical pattern starting with Rome.

Imagine John the Revelator was saying, “Yeah, when the shit hit’s the fan at this fevered pitch. Y’all may want to move because it’s apocalyptic bad.”
And the irony is, among so many, is that we are indeed in an apocalyptic moment. The great reveal. The pulling back of the sarcophagus to get a real good look at the corpse rotting underneath.

It’s a season where preacher’s kids, who were never allowed to be Christians in the first place because it would diminish their political role in the church, become modern-day prophets warning the world about what they’re going to see and how to move on once the bloom has fallen off the rose.

Here’s the Truth:

These people soulless Godless monsters.

We’ve known it.
Now you do, too.
Thanks, Trump.





Save the Children at the Border (The League of the White Rose)

MCALLEN, TX – SEPTEMBER 08: A boy from Honduras watches a movie at a detention facility run by the U.S. Border Patrol on September 8, 2014 in McAllen, Texas. The Border Patrol opened the holding center to temporarily house the children after tens of thousands of families and unaccompanied minors from Central America crossed the border illegally into the United States during the spring and summer. Although the flow of underage immigrants has since slowed greatly, thousands of them are now housed in centers around the United States as immigration courts process their cases. (Photo by John Moore/Getty Images)


As a human being, as a student of Political Science and History, I am watching the unfolding tragedy at the United States Border concerning the immigrants seeking asylum into America.

Many of you know that children have been separated from their families, these children have either been sent abroad into the country via adoption, over 1600 hundred of them the government has lost, the others are being held in concentration camps and living in squalor. They’ve been fed instant meals, they sleep on concrete floors, the lights are never turned off, many of the children have become sick and some have died due to an influenza outbreak in once facility.

Meanwhile, attorneys working for the United States argued before the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals that it wasn’t the government’s job, although they are the one’s detaining these children, to provide basic sanitary care. Such things are soap, water, and toothpaste are above and beyond what the United States Government under the leadership of Donald Trump. And while that is demonic in of itself American Capitalism is doing to this situation what it did to slavery and has decided to perfect it by making a profit. Wayfair.com has decided to make money off of the capture and containment of brown bodies seeking asylum by making beds for them.  Their employees are staging a walk out in the near future.

I, like many of you, have had enough of this. After writing my Congressman, and both my Senators, I’ve decided that as an author -I can do more. So, from this point forward and until the issue at the border is resolved, all proceeds from my audiobooks will be used to provide help to these immigrants via Save the Children Federation via www.savethechildren.org. I will list links to all my audiobooks below and when the quarterly reports come out I will post how much I made and how much I donated to this cause.

Furthermore, for other authors out there who would like to join me, please do so. You can do it publically or privately. If you do it publically, use the hashtag #Leagueofthewhiterose.  Its history goes back to 20th Century Europe and a group of students who opposed the rise of Adolf Hilter. Do I think we’re there now?

I think we’re too close for comfort. So please, join me. Help me save these children.

Here is the link to my audiobooks here

Read up on The White Rose Movement here