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I looked for something (poem)





I looked for a brush today
for my dog, thought I’d put it away
in that special place we put
special things when we mean to retrieve them
and of course that place is now a mystery
But it made me angry
that I couldn’t recall where that place was
so I tore at my cabinets
chest of drawers, closets, behind the towels
before I made a decision
So, my Saturday was spent
rearranging my belongings and in that process
threw away things I didn’t need
methodically organizing things so to clear away
the junk
By the time I was finished
it was late and the day was spent and while
I was frustrated that I still didn’t have
that damn brush
I was pleased of the mess I cleaned up
But in the quiet of mindless work
you know they kind where you think long
thoughts about important things
where you speak words you wished you had
said at the time when you couldn’t think of them
It was then in this midst of all of this
starting of, like I said, looking for a brush
having cleaned out my cabinets and
spoke to dead things
that I realized somewhere along the way
I’d lost my faith
I sat down on the floor between a stack of white
Egyptian cotton towels, two bars of soap
Windex, toilet paper, and pack
of brand new razors from the dollar shave club
and stared at the mess at my feet