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unsplash-logoAustin Neill

Is this all there is?
Elton John at quarter til midnight?
A black cat next to me
with the ceiling fan up high?
Silent Karaoke 
About a song about the blues
I am driving down the freeway
of my mind

It’s not the holidays
those are done
It’s not homesickness
my family home is gone
why do I feel so tired
and emptied out?

Chicken soup for the soul
Ice cream for hurt feelings
I feel like I’m starving to death
thirsty and lonely and bored

My husband cried tonight
and asked me not to leave him
but would it be him I am leaving
Won’t I be leaving myself?
Cyclical Dysthymia circle around again
pick me up and throw me in the trunk
I don’t know what to feel anymore

I just know I have concrete shoes
a sore body, and a numb mind
I am sad but have no reason to cry
Who’s afraid of Virginia Woolfe?
Rocks in my pocket
there’s a river somewhere close by
I can smell it on the air
the last vestiges of the mind altering chemicals
from a month prior still have their white bony fingers
around my brain

I’ll bounce back
one day I’ll sing aloud again
I’ll dance on the driveway as I pick up the mail
but for tonight, swing low sweet chariot
pick up this letter from me to God
It’s lyrics from an Elton John song
and sad songs say so much

 

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