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Frantic (poem)

matthew-pla-29577 (1)

 

The simple act of breathing
the heartbeat
thoughts receding
rock me gently in the afternoon sun

relax, I tell my body
let the moment heal you
listen to some music
and let the words distract you
as you lip sync the lyrics
that you’ve learned to know by heart

keep busy, must keep busy
write something, say something,
ten more pounds on the weight bench
heavy breathing in the moment
there’s no rest until you’re done

walk the dog at a fast clip,
come home and set out some chicken
think about dinner, think about bills,
check the status of your sales
and wonder if it’s all done

Try to relax, I say again
but i feel lazy, unrepentant
must do, must do something
to justify my existence
give me worth, make me worthy
where did all my book sales go?

I am still but I’m not stable
guest come to eat at my dinner table
get up, clean up, entertain
My God does this ever stop?
undeserving, under serving
a little blue pill (no not that one)
I am taking
take away the panic
understanding nothing’s wrong

But it is wrong, isn’t it?

I am half here, half somewhere else
hungry, horny, needed, needing
please believe me when I say this
I want to just lay down
But I love you,
God, I love you
there is no one else above you
except for him and maybe her,
and then there’s Christ
What have I done?

Relax, I tell my body
let the moment try and heal you
until the thoughts you have been thinking
have been emptied from your heart

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