Gay Writer needs your love (I swear to God it’s not what you think)

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unsplash-logoDmitry Bayer

Hey Everyone.

I am really excited to bring to your attention something that I think I should have been doing for a while now.

As most (all three of you) know that I post my poetry online for free, I have decided (my husband has decided) that I should post them as well as my fiction online through Patreon.

I know this whole system is somewhat controversial but I try (at least on my Patreon page) not to be. The access is broken down into levels that I think are pretty cool and would allow me more writing time and more focus on content creating instead of running around Hell’s Half Acre (Hi Sam and Dean).

Besides being a poet, I write fiction. Mostly gay fiction in the paranormal genre and if you’re an author like me you know that when you type ‘The End’ the real work is just beginning even if you are traditionally published.

I would like to deliver the best product I can to the people who spend their hard earned dollars on the stories and poetry that I create and I just need some backup ( Marvel or DC doesn’t matter) to help me do that.

So, without further ado – here’s my site www.patreon.com/fefeeleyjr

Come by and visit.  I hope you like the place.

Thank you

Beaten Track Radio Author Chat (Jamie Fessenden)

Hi there!

This past Saturday Jamie Fessenden Co-hosted with me on Author Chat Live on www.beatentrackradio.com

If you missed the show – where we discussed the difference between M/M Romance and Gay Fiction as well as Jamie’s books – click the link below and you can listen in.

Also, if you’re an author that would like to co-host with me live on the radio, send me a message via email or through here and let’s get you scheduled.

 

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New Book Trailer (Closer)

 

 

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Hey all,

 

I am super excited to bring you my latest novel, Closer:

Maplewood, Vermont is a picturesque town filled with unique shops, unique homes, and a quaint familiarity all centered around a lake with an unusual history.

Legends, old as well as Urban, float around like the mist that hovers above the lake at break of dawn.

But they’re just stories, right?

Hayden Moore’s life was destroyed when his husband, Malcolm, was murdered. Giving up his job as an assistant district attorney in Boston, Hayden moved to the little burg of Maplewood to recover.

A new life.

A fresh start.

However, something underneath the water is stirring. Something rotten. A deadly secret wakes underneath the black waters of Lake Veronica so disturbing it haunts the nightmares of the local residents.

It’s coming closer…

March 1st!

Watch the Trailer 

New Novel Coming March 2018

Maplewood, Vermont is a picturesque town filled with unique shops, unique homes, and a quaint familiarity all centered around a lake with an unusual history.

Legends, old as well as Urban, float around like the mist that hovers above the lake at break of dawn.

But they’re just stories, right?

Hayden Moore’s life was destroyed when his husband, Malcolm, was murdered. Giving up his job as an assistant district attorney in Boston, Hayden moved to the little burg of Maplewood to recover.

A new life.

A fresh start.

However, something underneath the water is stirring. Something rotten. A deadly secret wakes underneath the black waters of Lake Veronica so disturbing it haunts the nightmares of the local residents.

It’s coming closer…

 

book cover

 

Pre-order here from Beaten Track Publishing

Amazon one-click fans click here

Add to your Goodreads list here 

 

 

Last Day of my blog tour: When Heaven Strikes

When Heaven Strikes - High Resolution (1)

 

Blog Tour: Interview Prompts, Excerpt & Giveaway — F.E Feeley Jr. – When Heaven Strikes

 

Last Day of blog tour. It’s hard with everything going on right now to give a shit about book sales and book reviews etc as our country worships at the altar of our lady of perpetual bullshit.
However, I do want to give a shout out to Lily for being amazing and for taking care of this.
All the people in my life that encouraged me to keep going with this. You’re in my heart. Thank you very very very very very much.
All the blog spots that hosted me.
It means a lot. 
I know we’re kind of in a funky place right now – especially gay guys being shut out of publication.
Your life, your love, your road, your sex, your pain, your passion, your faith, your lack of faith, your hopes, your families, your marriages, your failures, your triumphs, your lives, your deaths, your spirits, and all that comes before you and will come after you – are important. You are important. You’re a thread woven into the tapestry of life, without you there would be a lot of color missing from the tableau.
Don’t be discouraged. Self pub if you have to.
You’re stories are important. They should be told. Popularity isn’t the standard.
Feedback isn’t the standard.
Ability is – talent is – hard work is – if this is what you burn to do. If this is what you feel you were meant to do, male or female, gay straight or whatever, you should follow that.
Don’t let people talk shit to you. Don’t let anyone put you down.
Aspire to the art. Aspire to make yourself better at your craft than the book prior.
Stay humble to those who have been supportive of you.
Take criticism with a grain of salt.
Evolve.
Don’t argue anymore. Don’t get into fights over trivial things because people will always try and distract you by raising the bar.
You’re enough. Be enough.
That’s all anyone can ask.
Thanks to everyone who spent their hard earned money on this book. I am so thankful to you. Without your support – I couldn’t go on. I love connecting with you, I love meeting with you in mutual understanding, and giving you a break from the crazy. Thanks for ‘getting me’ and my work.
See y’all soon.

Book Release (When Heaven Strikes)

So I wrote a book.

This makes number 4, now? I think.

Anyway.

 

I am really happy to be able to bring you this latest book, When Heaven Strikes. This is my take on contemporary gay literature.
This was probably the hardest book for me to write, to date. It was certainly the most trying artistic wise for me to create.
I would like to dedicate this to gay men in general. To my brothers past and present.
Your hopes, your dreams, your fears, your pain, your love, your sex, your life, your triumphs, your tragedies, your faith, your awakening, your knowledge, your experiences, your journey, your art, your marriage, your families, your humanity, your death, your spirits are all valid.
The struggles you’ve been through – that you’re still going through – they’re all important. You are important. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Xoxo
F.E.

P.S. Paperback and Audio are coming soon.

 

 

Trigger Warnings (Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch’intrate)

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(Photo by: Vadim Kaipov)

The whole concept absolutely makes me insane. Especially being a queer man. If I follow writer’s advice and write what I know – or if I follow the advice of the late, great Nina Simone and reflect my world in my work – then I what I write is going to be triggering in its entirety. Which – in a genre of queer books – written for, by, and about so said queer people – adding trigger warnings to content because it may bother straight people is insulting to me. I want you bothered by it. I want you hurt with me. Add in all of the pseudo-religiousness of genre fiction where the ‘rules’ become dogma and you dare not break them lest ye risk the ire of a certain group of readers – I find all of this the height of privilege. How dare you insist that not only do I write a book inside the box of m/m romance which has overtaken anything in the queer lit category, perfectly fashioned toward your sensabilites but then I must slap a warning label for you on it so that you’re senses aren’t offended should I deviate outside of these rules established long before queer lit came around? They would be selling ice cream in hell first before that ever happened. Hubris. Add on top the tacky people who would use these things to insert awful content the way people use *banned by Amazon* as a way to sell trash under the guise of censorship.

At the end of the day my darlings, there isn’t enough money in the world that would make up for trading myself in for your comfort. You don’t want to be triggered – I didn’t want to have to go through the things in my life that would perhaps trigger you in a book that I feel compelled to write about because it’s my truth! Knowing that there is some poor fucked up soul out there just like mine that needs to hear that the shit they went through hasn’t thrown them into the void of loneliness like real mental health issues often do.

I understand is the most powerful phrase in the English language.

This entire genre is so rife with these dogooders that lock you in and hold you at ransom, or filled with straight privileged people who want to know all the FUN stuff surrounding gay people and will accept certain bad things in a book if it furthers a plot point that I honestly have to say I regret ever walking into it.

I don’t understand why gay people put up with this. Why do we allow ourselves to be reduced for the comfort of others? Don’t we do that enough with our families? Haven’t we had to do this at our jobs? Where your other family members are married but you’re ‘married?’

It’s intellectual cowardice. It’s intellectual veganism where your empathy has replaced your biological need for sustenance at the cost of life sustaining nutrients.

It’s Pseudo- intellectualism.

At the end of the day – its fucking homophobia from people who are allying us to death.

My brothers are being rounded up and murdered in Chechnya. I’m triggered. Are you?

Confidence in Writing – Be true to who you are and what it is you do.

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Writing is an art form and like all works of art – is deeply personal and not for the faint of heart.

Those who write books, regardless of genre, usually find themselves hearing certain things once their first book is released. Often, they are on an emotional high for having accomplished such an enormous task. They are inundated with new and other authors in the same genre wanting to be friends on social media, fans, they start networking through different book review sites, they are introduced to the headache of campaigning and marketing to ‘get their work out there’, etc.

Most writers that I’ve met are introverts. They’re watchers, observers of human behavior. They are the wallflowers at a party. They are the ones who may not be able to stay in a crowd for very long before their social batteries wear out, myself included.

So once we lie to ourselves and type “The End” on our manuscripts – it’s usually a couple of weeks before the quietness of our lives are suddenly interrupted with everything that comes along with writing.

Those who befriend us – when they hear we’ve written a book – often say bullshit like, “I could do it. I could write a book when I have the time.” Blah blah blah – yeah, okay. Let me know when you’re finished pumpkin. We all know these people. And their words often begin to bring us off that high of finishing something.

But they’re not the only ones.

The market, publishers, sales or the lack thereof, editors, and other artists – can suck the marrow of creativity out of your bones faster than anything. In short – the joy of writing has a counter balance and that is in the sheer misery of post production sharing of your work.

Over the past couple of weeks I’ve been recovering from a string of just shitty circumstances and shitty people that makes the idea of opening up a word document an act of sheer insanity.

It was a culmination of people that made me doubt myself and who I am as a person. See, I identify as a writer. Writers write. And I often identified as a m/m author or gay fiction author.

I’ve been published several times over, I’ve received glowing reviews, and while I may not be the lead story in gay fiction – story wise – this dude can hold his own.

And I’ve always been okay with that. I’m not the most famous name out there. I don’t make much in the way of money, but I’ve always been okay with catching four and five star reviews from people who love my work using that to justify the idea of writing as a career.

I love the idea of touching people’s lives with my work.

However, the past couple of weeks have made something VERY clear to me. Genre specific writing, especially in m/m – sucks. Having to create a world based upon arbitrary rules that surround romance is so destructive of creativity. I mean, how many times can you tell the same fucking story?

Man meets man, man loses man, man gets cute man back?

I totally get why Prince (God rest his Purple Soul) turned himself into a symbol.

The book industry blows chunks because its a fucking machine that devours.

It takes a writer, an introvert, and throws them into the spin cycle of frantically trying to navigate the egg shell laden floor of having to deal with everything that comes after writing “The End” in a book.

No one wants to fucking do this. At all.

It’s a place no one wants to be because post production can be nice to you one minute – it can turn on you and since you invest so much of yourself in the work – can rip you to shreds.

You end up feeling like a slave and the industry feels like a master with a bad temper. And in m/m romance that machine is bloated in identity politics and ambitious authors who dance on other people’s misery be they other authors or the subject matter they write about. In the midst of all this – gay voices are being drowned out in favor of mass production of the same novel repeated for the millionth time – because that’s what is setting the market and publishers go in that direction because – well – capitalism.  Add in the stupid and often insipid drama kicked up by someone who is a D list celebrity (more like Z list) – fuck me with a cactus, batman. No thanks.

Telling an author “This action by your character wouldn’t endear them to the reader,” as a reason why the book won’t be contracted and sold without a rewrite, is garbage. It’s like “So what? There’s a moment of actual humanity?”

Erasure of gay people’s range of experiences , even the bad ones, robs them of equality and robs the reader of learning something more than gay people have sex and fall in love.

There is more to us than that. Far more.  And having to remind people of that – is too exhausting for words.

Also one shitty, bitter, and angry editor who tells you ‘you have no ear for writing’ can wipe all the good that has happened in your writing career.

So – after a couple of weeks of trying to pick myself up off the floor – I’m erasing the idea of writing to a genre, to a publisher, and to an audience.

Essentially, I’ve opted to do my own thing. Yeah, I’m bitter.

But I didn’t used to be. Writing used to be fun. It used to be fulfilling. And I think I’ve been wrong headed about all of this.

I am no longer going to ‘going with the flow’ – not that I’ve really been in that mindset anyway.

I am erasing the m/m author, gay fiction author, and even author for awhile.

I’ll be a writer. There’s passion in that. Truth. Realism. And the ability to reach out of the ether and touch people on my terms and in my time. Make real connections.

I am a writer. I know what I can do and what I do, I do well.

So for other authors out there feeling the sting of industrialized book writing. I feel ya.

The only advice I can give you, that I am taking for myself, is Bill Shakespeare’s age old advice, “To Thine Own Self Be True.” Fuck everything else.

If you have a creative ability – that is something that can’t be taught. That’s a gift to be cultivated. Avoid everything and everyone that wants to chew through that. You may not get rich but you’ll be happy.

The End

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Still Waters (Poem)….

Come and see

what lies beneath
this placid lake, this freshwater sea

Come and See

A place where terrible shadow are cast long
a place where birds sing a mournful song

Come and See


this edge of a knife
a small town’s secrets, one family’s strife 

Come and See

where society falters, where ambitions are frozen
and the devil traverses underneath Still Waters

 

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So, every once in a while, I guess I should promote my books. This one here – give ya two guesses what the name is – is one of my favorites.

Here’s the blurb (I hate that word – blurb and moist- bah! – anyway )

Memoirs of the Human Wraiths

Promise, Michigan is very much like every other small town across the state. Built on the edge of a lake, the homes sit in neat little rows in cute little neighborhoods. During the summer Promise bustles with tourists who come to spend their vacation dollars and enjoy the lake’s refreshingly cold water. But Promise holds a terrible secret. In the center of the lake is an abandoned island where a curse is rumored to wait for victims, unabated and deadly. Most think it’s just a story, something used to keep kids out of trouble. Still, everyone gives it a wide berth. Everyone except Bret and Adam. They dare to venture out the night of Bret’s birthday. When they declared their love and promise to get married, they believe no one else heard their whispered words—but they are wrong.

Five years after Adam dies, Bret returns to his family to heal. But someone is killing the people of Promise in random acts of violence. Bret, with the help of FBI agent Jeff McAllister, must discover the identity of a murderer with death on his mind and revenge in his heart.

Here’s some buy links (hint, hint): 

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/reviews/still-waters-fe-feeley-jr/1121539756?ean=9781632167019#reviews-header

https://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/books/still-waters-by-fe-feeley-jr-by-f-e-feeley-jr-2764-b

https://www.amazon.com/Still-Waters-Memoirs-Human-Wraiths-ebook/dp/B00V5ORJTA/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1494303977&sr=8-2&keywords=still+waters+f.e.

 

So – obligatory self promotion is done. Back to the Poetry.

 

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!

Help Prevent an LGBT Holocaust (Paranormal Romance Guild)

No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friend’s or of thine own were: any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bells tolls; it tolls for thee.

John Donne (1572-1631)

dachau gate

 We have just bore witness, as a world, the 72nd Anniversary of the Liberation of the concentration camp at Dachau by  the 42nd and 45th Infantry Division as well as the 20th Armored Division of the United States Army. There were 67,665 registered individuals of which 43 thousand were political dissidents, 22 thousand were Jews, and the rest fell into various sub categories. Of the almost 68 thousand people registered at Dachau – only 32 thousand of them were liberated. Almost half were dead in mass graves or in various stages of decomposition in railroad cars stretched alongside the camp. https://www.ushmm.org/learn/timeline-of-events/1942-1945/liberation-of-dachau

While there remain four death camps that most are familiar with, thanks be to our grandparents who served in World War 2 as well as the History Channel, Auschwitz, Buchenwald, Dachau, and Treblinka were just four of over 900 other sub camps in and around Germany that participated in not only the murder of over six million Jews but also the murder of political dissidents, Roma (otherwise known as Gypsies), Jehovah’s Witnesses, and LGBTQ people. Anywhere between 15 and 20 million people suffered and died at the hands of the German SS. http://www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org/how-many-concentration-camps

Many of us, growing up, learned of these atrocities in school. Some of us even remember reading that Ike Eisenhower (who would later go on to serve as the 34th President of the United States) would order his troops to recored and document what they’d witnessed at each and every death camp he personally visited toward the end of World War Two. 80 thousand feet of moving film as well as still images were taken and would later on be used by Thomas Dodd the Chief Prosecutor of Nazi War Crimes at the Nuremberg trials. https://www.awesomestories.com/asset/view/EISENHOWER-S-PROOF-Holocaust-Evidence

However, seventeen years into the 21st Century – with advances in medicine, with advances in technology, advances in space exploration, our ability to map DNA, expanses in Civil Rights concerning LGBTQ people, and our collective ability to communicate instantaneously with people all over the world – this time in our history feels like a shadow. A dark, lonely, horrific time when a rogue government under the cover of a much bigger world than the one we live in now was capable of such great and terrible things as the mass genocide of those they deemed inferior.  It seems impossible that something like that could happen today. It seems unfathomable, that a nation like Russia – who helped liberate many death-camps themselves including Auschwitz, would be complicit in participating or turning a blind eye to what is happening to LGBTQ people in Chechnya and the resurrection of death camps.

But it isn’t impossible. The atrocities of 72 years ago were committed by human beings. As Terence a former slave set free by his master ,who was astonished at his ability to learn and reason, around 150 B.C. once put Homo sum, humani nihil a me alienum puto or “I am human. Nothing human can be alien to me.”  Depending on the variables in and around our lives – it is imperative to understand that everyone is capable of anything, anywhere, all of the time. The same goes for the good mankind is capable of as well as the wickedness hidden inside his heart.  This time, however, that long shadow of fascism and destruction does not hover over Germany. This time it’s long shadow is cast further to the east.

Right now in Chechnya gay and bisexual men and women and being rounded up and put into concentration camps. Speaking to the Mail Online, Svetlana Zakharova from the Russian LGBT Network said, “Gay people have been detained and rounded up and we are working to evacuate people from teh camps and some have now left the region. Those who have escaped said they are detained in the same room and people are kept altogether, around 30 or 40. They are tortured with electrical currents and heavily beaten, sometimes to death.” It is thought that these people are being held in Argun or somewhere outside that city. http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/chechnya-gay-men-concentration-camps-torture-detain-nazi-ramzan-kadyrov-chechen-russia-region-a7677901.html

The Independent Newspaper also cites that there are “…at least six detention centres are being used to house men abducted on suspicion of being gay, with two identified so far in Argun and Zozin-Jurt.” http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/chechnya-gay-men-russian-reporter-hiding-detention-torture-elena-milashina-novaya-gazeta-100-men-a7703471.html

“People are telling us they are being kept in these detention centers where there are hardly any other criminals other than those suspected of being (gay),” said Tatyana Vinnichenko, who chairs the Russian LGBT Network. “We Know of two such detention centers – in (the Chechen towns of ) Argun and Tsotsi-Yurt. People are finding it hard to believe that something like this is happening in a country with a constitution, in the 21st Century, but it is. ” https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2017/04/20/russia-chechnya-lgbt-gay-men/100689962/

  But it is.

We here at The Paranormal Romance Guild, being of multiple races, classes, religious backgrounds, and sexual orientations have heard these cries from our Chechen brothers and sisters and are resolved to stand in the way of those who would once again wish to murder the ‘other’ regardless of who they are or how they love. One of the tag lines used when information goes out about The Holocaust is ‘Never Again.’  Despite your personal stance on lgbtq rights – all of our lives are interconnected. Lutheran Minister Martin Niemöller , one of the founders of the Lutheran ‘Confessing Church’ along side famed Minister Dietrich Bonhoeffer, put it poetically and succinctly this way:

First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

Over the next several days writers from the Gay Romance Genres and others have united to help those in Chechnya escape certain death. We as an organization will be participating in this event by bringing it to your attention and spreading the word. Authors, readers, we ask that you spread this blog along your social media outlets.  Even if you cannot give of your own pocket, or donate books – spreading the world of this real world current atrocity being committed, as well as contacting your local politicians, you can help put pressure on them to cease the torture and murder of other human beings.

For more information follow this link here. https://readersandwritersforlgbtchechens.wordpress.com

Never Again – We were made ready to deal with this when the time came. That time – is now.

Never Again

To our Brothers and Sisters in Chechnya and all over the world suffering under the shadow of fascism, We stand with you.

From all of us at Paranormal Romance Guild,  We thank you.

Vice President,

F.E. Feeley Jr