Elton John (Poem)

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unsplash-logoAustin Neill

Is this all there is?
Elton John at quarter til midnight?
A black cat next to me
with the ceiling fan up high?
Silent Karaoke 
About a song about the blues
I am driving down the freeway
of my mind

It’s not the holidays
those are done
It’s not homesickness
my family home is gone
why do I feel so tired
and emptied out?

Chicken soup for the soul
Ice cream for hurt feelings
I feel like I’m starving to death
thirsty and lonely and bored

My husband cried tonight
and asked me not to leave him
but would it be him I am leaving
Won’t I be leaving myself?
Cyclical Dysthymia circle around again
pick me up and throw me in the trunk
I don’t know what to feel anymore

I just know I have concrete shoes
a sore body, and a numb mind
I am sad but have no reason to cry
Who’s afraid of Virginia Woolfe?
Rocks in my pocket
there’s a river somewhere close by
I can smell it on the air
the last vestiges of the mind altering chemicals
from a month prior still have their white bony fingers
around my brain

I’ll bounce back
one day I’ll sing aloud again
I’ll dance on the driveway as I pick up the mail
but for tonight, swing low sweet chariot
pick up this letter from me to God
It’s lyrics from an Elton John song
and sad songs say so much

 

Winter Solstice (Child of the Moon)

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unsplash-logoMax Smith

I am a child of the moon
I come to the window clad in my pajama bottoms
teddy bear dragging along the floor with me
and i stare out into a wintry scene
from the second floor

All is still in the world of white
the sky is purple and dark
and the moon is out full and heavy
and the snow burns in celestial light

A heating register begins to hum
it’s warm wind wrapping around me like a prayer
I raise my hand and touch the glass
feeling the cold radiate through me
up my arm and into my heart

Below, a stag has wandered into view
noble, white chested, chestnut body 10 points easy
his delicate feet and easy stride
leaving imprints on the once unbroken sea of white lawn

He raises his nose, looks this way and that
and comes even closer to the home where I reside
when all of a sudden from the tree line breaks
a herd of a dozen, maybe more

It’s midnight now, and they’re in full view
and I caught between warmth and the frozen world
with my hand pressed against the cold glass
I wait in a house as silent as a tomb

Then the stag see’s me, eyes locking,
heard standing shoulder to shoulder
and without much fanfare, save the beating heart in my chest
they bow to the boy standing here

I with my teddy bear clutched in my hand
the heat register cloaking my bare narrow shoulders
return the bow with the sincerity of my station
for I am a child of the moon

 

Frantic (poem)

matthew-pla-29577 (1)

 

The simple act of breathing
the heartbeat
thoughts receding
rock me gently in the afternoon sun

relax, I tell my body
let the moment heal you
listen to some music
and let the words distract you
as you lip sync the lyrics
that you’ve learned to know by heart

keep busy, must keep busy
write something, say something,
ten more pounds on the weight bench
heavy breathing in the moment
there’s no rest until you’re done

walk the dog at a fast clip,
come home and set out some chicken
think about dinner, think about bills,
check the status of your sales
and wonder if it’s all done

Try to relax, I say again
but i feel lazy, unrepentant
must do, must do something
to justify my existence
give me worth, make me worthy
where did all my book sales go?

I am still but I’m not stable
guest come to eat at my dinner table
get up, clean up, entertain
My God does this ever stop?
undeserving, under serving
a little blue pill (no not that one)
I am taking
take away the panic
understanding nothing’s wrong

But it is wrong, isn’t it?

I am half here, half somewhere else
hungry, horny, needed, needing
please believe me when I say this
I want to just lay down
But I love you,
God, I love you
there is no one else above you
except for him and maybe her,
and then there’s Christ
What have I done?

Relax, I tell my body
let the moment try and heal you
until the thoughts you have been thinking
have been emptied from your heart

Wickedness put down on me (Poem)

 

mohamed-nohassi-186911

 

 

There was a wickedness
put down on me
when I was but a child
evil serpentine lashes lay about
with cold metal teeth,
smelling of leather
and containing many eyes

It was black
and it’s bite burned me
my young flesh welting
bleeding, forcing me
to do things I didn’t want to do
breaking things I couldn’t
handle
I’d scream

We lived in a wicked place
where God was fat and white and ugly
orgasmic hallelujahs from drunkards
dry and barren and thirsty
who’s habits were evergreen
if unseen buried deep
in their own shame

There was a wickedness
put down on me
drove down deep inside my body
coiling its leathery scent
around my spine and squeezing
me
the smell of musky flesh bound books
that bled me under the sign
of a cross

Oooooh, I was wicked
naughty naughty little boy
yanked around by my hair
punched in the head
diving under a counter
I must have stolen something
but when I opened my palms to
reveal my possessions
all that was there were half moon shaped
impressions

There was a wickedness
put down on me
knowledge of the fruit of good and of ill
and while the scars are still bleeding
wrapped red round my spine like Holly
i can take the pain of it like a champ
wet, naked, shivering
this wicked man can deliver some soul to heaven
because the child he was has been to Hell